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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22917262">Siren</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScorpioInk/pseuds/ScorpioInk'>ScorpioInk</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Mass Effect Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Blow Jobs, F/M, First Dates, Misuse of Biotics, Oral Sex, Self-Esteem Issues, Vaginal Sex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 16:22:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,706</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22917262</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScorpioInk/pseuds/ScorpioInk</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A blind date gone wrong, or right, depending on how you look at it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jeff "Joker" Moreau/Female Shepard, Steve Cortez/James Vega</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>124</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Just for shits and giggles, came to me while I was listening to the song Siren by Kailee Morgue.</p><p>Not proof-read. All errors are mine. Grammar is mean, I'm bad at it, let's just move on.</p><p>Not going to be a long fic, likely only two chapters.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Joker watched as Shepard went over the details of shore leave in the mess hall. It seemed that lately all Joker ever did was watch Shepard. The few times that he had been caught on it, either Garrus’ keen eyes or Kaidan’s shared interest, he had blown it off as general concern for a friend who had far too much pressure and responsibility on their plate.</p><p>Joker knew that no one believed him.</p><p>Joker didn’t believe himself, either.</p><p>“Alright, enjoy yourself everyone and I’ll see you soon,” Shepard turned off her datapad and smiled as the crew all but ran from the Normandy’s mess hall; thrilled to have a week of shore leave.</p><p>“What are your plans for the week, Commander?” Joker asked from his seat at one of the tables, content to wait for the rush of the crew leaving the ship to settle.</p><p>No use in breaking something <em>right</em> before shore leave, even if his only plans were to hang out in his apartment playing the latest Blasto game.</p><p>Shepard joined Joker at the table, sitting across from him, “I let Liara talk me into a blind date tonight, other than that, not much.”</p><p>“A blind date?” Joker arched his eyebrow, “really?”</p><p>“Why not?” Shepard shrugged, “just because no one on the ship is interested in me doesn’t mean that I don’t date. I just don’t date <em>often</em>.”</p><p>“Uh, there are plenty of people interested in you on this ship.”</p><p>“Name one.”</p><p><em>Me</em>, Joker’s brain shouted, <em>I am</em>.</p><p>“Kaidan.”</p><p>“That ship sailed on Horizon, and he’s seeing that doctor now,” Shepard shook her head.</p><p>“Vega.”</p><p>“Is with Cortez and just a flirt.”</p><p>“Garrus?”</p><p>“With Tali.”</p><p>“Liara.”</p><p>“With Feron.”</p><p>“Javik.”</p><p>“I’m pretty confident that he would kill me in my sleep.”</p><p>“Zaeed?”</p><p>“Man I miss having him on the ship,” Shepard smiled, “he was a great lay.”</p><p>“What?” Joker choked on his coffee.</p><p>“Yeah, friends with benefits while we worked with Cerberus, nothing more than that though,” Shepard gave a dismissive wave, “I thought you knew?”</p><p>“Man, clearly not.”</p><p>“What about you, what are you and EDI up too?”</p><p>“I’m planning on hiding out in my apartment with some games,” Joker tried for casual, “I don’t know what EDI is doing.”</p><p>“Why not?” Shepard looked puzzled, “aren’t you two a thing?”</p><p>“Uh, no. Not anymore.”</p><p>“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I hope there weren’t too many hurt feelings.”</p><p>“No, we’re good. We called it off a couple of weeks after it started, it was mutual.”</p><p>“Geeze,” Shepard whistled, “I’m really out of the loop. You used to tell me everything.”</p><p>“You’ve had your hands full with, you know, saving the universe. I didn’t want to worry you with a breakup at the same time.”</p><p>“Well, I appreciate that,” Shepard stood, patting him on the shoulder, “but I always have time for you, Joker. Come by during shore leave, we’ll watch the game and catch up.”</p><p>“Okay, good luck on your date.”</p><p>“Thanks, I’m going to need it.”</p><p>Joker was grateful that there was no one to see him as he watched Shepard walk away.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>Hey, can I ask a favor? – NS</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sure, what do you need – JM</em>
</p><p>Joker waited for Shepard’s response with a small amount of anxiety. Shepard rarely asked for favors. Worse, Joker knew that there was nothing that Shepard could ask of him that he wouldn’t give.</p><p>Joker couldn’t help but roll his eyes at how his heart sped up in his chest as he watched Shepard’s icon flash as she typed her response.</p><p>
  <em>My date is scheduled for 1900, can you message me at like 1930 and ask me how it’s going, just in case I need an out? -NS</em>
</p><p>
  <em>No problem, emergency on the ship kind of thing? – JM</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sure, something like that, I just don’t want to spend the entire night with someone if I’m not into it – NS</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You got it – JM</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I knew I could count on you – NS</em>
</p><p>Joker set a timer on his omni-tool and frowned, jealous of the mystery man who Shepard would be spending her evening with.</p><p>Resigning himself to play rescue party, Joker waited for his game station to boot up and settled in.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>Scratch that message – NS</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Got together early and he’s the man of your dreams? – JM </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He canceled – NS</em>
</p><p>“Shit,” Joker checked the time, 1730. Whoever it was has canceled close enough to the date that Joker knew Shepard was likely in the middle of getting ready when it happened.</p><p>
  <em>What a dick, why? – JM</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He figured out that I was *that* Nayya Shepard, and politely called it off – NS</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What does it matter that you’re…you? -JM</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It happens a lot, don’t worry about it. Guess I get to take my makeup off and spend the evening watching romance movies with a few bottles of wine – NS</em>
</p><p>Joker would never know what possessed him to dial out, a mix of impulsive recklessness and the recognition that fate or whatever gods existed had given him an almost perfect opportunity to act, freezing when Shepard’s voice filled his ear.</p><p>“Joker?”</p><p>“Yeah…” Joker took a breath, “look, don’t take off your make up, why don’t we go out? We could make use of your reservations.”</p><p>“You…and me…”</p><p>“Yeah,” Joker slapped his hand against his forehead, what the hell was he thinking, “I mean, why not?”</p><p>“You don’t <em>like</em> going out?” Shepard offered, “we were booked in at that new fancy place by Apollo’s, I don’t know if it was your scene.”</p><p>“I have a suit,” Joker protested, “unless you don’t want people to-“</p><p>“That’s not it,” Shepard cut Joker off firmly.</p><p>“So, why not?” Joker held his breath waiting for Shepard to answer.</p><p>“Okay,” came the careful response, “did you want to meet there?”</p><p>“No way, I’ll pick you up. If I’m going to be the stand-in date, I’m at least going to do it right.”</p><p>“Alright,” Shepard sounded skeptical, but amused, “what time should I expect you?”</p><p>“1830? I need to get pretty, too.”</p><p>“You’re always pretty, Joker. Sounds good, I’ll see you then.”</p><p>“See you,” Joker disconnected the call, frozen in place.</p><p>He had <em>sort of</em> asked Shepard out.</p><p>She had <em>sort of </em>said yes.</p><p>He had no idea where his suit was, or if it still fit.</p><p>“Shit.”</p><p>***</p><p>Joker pulled up in front of Shepard’s apartment and shut off his car, taking a steadying breath. Checking his reflection in the mirror he tried, <em>again</em>, to convince his hair to lay flat without his hat.</p><p>Stepping from the car, Joker slowly made his way to the front door, a bouquet of flowers tucked safely under his arm. Joker had impulsively picked them up on the way over, the polite woman at the counter wrapping them with a warm smile as she had offered him a card to go with them.</p><p>Joker stood outside Shepard’s apartment for a minute, making last-minute adjustments to his suit before ringing the doorbell.</p><p>“Come on in,” Shepard’s voice came from the small speaker, and the door buzzed as it unlocked.</p><p>Joker pulled open the door, expecting a lot of things when he walked through, but certainly not the sight of Shepard in a <em>dress. </em>It had a black top with no sleeves, a deep neckline, almost showing the soft curve of Shepard’s breast without being overly revealing as it gradually faded into a bright gold and falling perfectly to the floor around Shepard’s feet.</p><p>Joker stood, dumbfounded.</p><p>“Alright?” Shepard looked down, “too much?”</p><p>“You look <em>beautiful</em>,” Joker’s mouth ran away from him, thankfully, it said the right thing judging by the way that Shepard beamed at him.</p><p>“I love this dress,” Shepard ran her hands over the golden skirt, “I never have anywhere to wear it.”</p><p>“These are for you,” Joker remembered the flowers, passing them to Shepard who took them with a slight blush.</p><p>“They’re beautiful, thank you. Let me put them in some water and we can go,” Shepard’s heels clicked against the floor as she walked into the kitchen, Joker following behind her.</p><p>Joker couldn’t help but watch Shepard as she carefully placed the flowers in the vase, brushing her hair behind her ear as it fell over her cheekbones. Shepard’s hair had always been something he had admired, the bright red almost looked dyed, but Joker knew that it was natural. Gone was the normal regulation bun, instead Shepard had tamed her long locks into curls that framed her face and cascaded down her back like flames.</p><p>“Alright?” Shepard asked as she caught him watching.</p><p>“I’m trying to get over the sight of you in a <em>dress</em>,” Joker laughed, “I thought you went on dates in your uniform.”</p><p>“It’s been so long I almost did,” Shepard smiled as she sat the flowers in the middle of the kitchen island, “but I thought, if Joker is sweet enough to be my stand-in date, I’ll at least get pretty for him.”</p><p>“I always think you're pretty.”</p><p>Shepard glanced up at him, shocked, “oh, thank you.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Joker ran his hand through his hair, pulling a laugh from Shepard.</p><p>“Come here, you’re not going out with your hair looking like that,” Shepard seemed to glide over to him, running her hands through his hair until it sat to her liking, Joker fighting the urge to purr like a cat as her nails ran over his scalp.</p><p>“Handsome now?”</p><p>“Handsome always,” Shepard linked her arm with his, “shall we?”</p><p>“After you,” Joker bowed as low as he could manage, gesturing to the door with a dramatic sweep of his arm, following Shepard as they walked from her apartment.</p><p>“Nice ride,” Shepard admired Jokers’ car, “looks like a classic.”</p><p>“It is a classic,” Joker opened Shepard’s door for her, “one of the first cars that wasn’t on wheels. No AI steering, I’ve been working on it for years.”</p><p>“Amazing,” Shepard tucked her dress around her, looking around the car as Joker closed the door and walked to the driver’s seat.</p><p>“Trust me to drive you in something without an AI?”</p><p>“Of course,” Shepard smiled, “I trust you with my ship, too. If you’re that careful with the Normandy, I’m sure you’re extra careful with your car.”</p><p>“And you,” Joker commented, watching as another blush crossed Shepard’s cheeks, “ready?”</p><p>“Let’s go.”</p><p>***</p><p>“Looks swanky,” Joker commented as they pulled up outside the dark building, “let me find parking. I don’t trust anyone else to drive my baby.”</p><p>“Sure,” Shepard pointed, “there are spots over there.”</p><p>“Good eye,” Joker pulled into the parking space, turning off the car and walking around to open Shepard’s door, “my lady.”</p><p>Shepard laughed, “laying it on a bit thick today.”</p><p>“Just having fun,” Joker offered Shepard his arm, which, to his delight, she took without hesitation.</p><p>“Good evening, Commander,” an Asari greeted them, “we’re delighted to have you and your date joining us tonight.”</p><p>“Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau,” Shepard introduced him, “the pilot of the Normandy.”</p><p>“Lovely to meet you, if you’ll follow me.”</p><p>Shepard followed the Asari through the tables until they came to a small table in the back</p><p>“Trying to hide us?” Joker asked as he pulled out Shepard’s chair for her to sit.</p><p>“I asked for privacy,” Shepard sat, “keep in mind, up until an hour ago I didn’t know who I was meeting.”</p><p>“So long as you aren’t keeping me secret.”</p><p>“Joker, you couldn’t keep a secret if you tried,” Shepard took the offered wine menu and looked over it as Joker sat across from her, “any preference?”</p><p>“White?”</p><p>“Sounds good,” Shepard passed the menu back to the Asari, “house white please.”</p><p>“I’ll bring it right along,” with a small bow the Asari disappeared through the restaurant.</p><p>“Fancy,” Joker looked around, “I didn’t think that it would be your kind of place.”</p><p>“It’s really not,” Shepard agreed, “but it gave me an excuse to pretend for a night.”</p><p>“Pretend what?”</p><p>Shepard looked at Joker from across the table, “to pretend to be someone else, on my date, or my stand-in date as the case may be.”</p><p>“What if I wasn’t a stand-in date,” Joker started cautiously, “what if I was just…a date?”</p><p>Shepard seemed to study him for a minute, “last time I mentioned…well… you made it very clear that there were regulations against that sort of thing that you weren’t comfortable with breaking.”</p><p>“I know,” Joker forced himself to keep Shepard’s gaze, “because I’m an idiot.”</p><p>“The regulations?”</p><p>“What about them?”</p><p>“Joker,” Shepard rolled her eyes, “you were being serious, be serious.”</p><p>“I am being serious.”</p><p>“You want to date?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“You want to date <em>me.”</em></p><p>“Yeah,” Joker said again.</p><p>“You want to date me, Commander Shepard, first human Spectre, N7.”</p><p>“Yes, I want to date you, Nayya Shepard,” Joker shook his head, “what’s so hard to believe?”</p><p>“<em>No one</em> wants to date me, Jeff.”</p><p>“I do,” Joker shrugged.</p><p>Shepard looked at him skeptically.</p><p>“I’ll prove it,” Joker offered.</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>***</p><p>“So, tell me,” Joker asked as he pushed away his now empty plate from the starter salad, “what comes along with being a Spectre. Not the missions, what are the bonuses?”</p><p>“Hm,” Shepard considered, “I have an office, sort of, that I can use. We have a shooting range, I have access to guns that most people don’t have. I can make decisions that would get other people in trouble, and as long as I can prove that I did it for the betterment of the galaxy, I don’t get in trouble.”</p><p>“Is it worth it?”</p><p>“Being a Spectre?” Shepard shrugged, “it’s not bad, but it’s not worth the hassle sometimes. Pay sucks.”</p><p>“Must be something though, to be the first human in the galaxy to have that status.”</p><p>“Usually I forget, to be honest. Unless I need to pull rank to get something done.”</p><p>“You forget that you’re a Spectre?”</p><p>“Yep. Do you sit around thinking about how you’re the best pilot in the Alliance?”</p><p>“Of course I do,” Joker rolled his eyes.</p><p>“Of course you do,” Shepard repeated with a smile.</p><p>***</p><p>Shepard’s omni-tool chimed halfway through dinner.</p><p>“I’m sorry, that’s probably my mom,” Shepard checked quickly, “she doesn’t like blind dates, and she said she might message me to make sure I was alright. Like I don’t kill people for a living.”</p><p>“And how’s Hannah doing?”</p><p>“She’s fine,” Shepard typed out a response, “she says hi.”</p><p>“Hi, mom.”</p><p>“I let you two talk <em>once</em>, and now you’re best friends.”</p><p>“Hannah is awesome.”</p><p>“Well, she sure seems excited that you’re my date,” Shepard read the responses as they came through, “really excited.”</p><p>“What’s she saying?”</p><p>“About time.”</p><p>***</p><p>“Dessert?” Shepard asked, checking over the menu.</p><p>“For sure.”</p><p>Joker was stuffed but didn’t want the night to end, deciding that he could manage a few bites of something if it bought him more time with Shepard.</p><p>“I have to admit, I’m glad we did this,” Shepard passed Joker the menu, “I can’t think of the last time I got to go out and have dinner with someone.”</p><p>“I’m a decent stand-in date then?”</p><p>“I think you’re a decent <em>date</em> date.”</p><p>“Are we going to do it again?”</p><p>“Do what?”</p><p>“Go on a date,” Joker picked the chocolate mouse, fiddling with the menu to avoid meeting Shepard’s gaze.</p><p>“Would you like too?”</p><p>“Obviously. Would you?”</p><p>“If you ask me properly.”</p><p>Joker glanced up, finding Shepard watching him, “Nayya, would you like to go on a date with me?”</p><p>“I’d love too.”</p><p>***</p><p>“Your bill has been settled, Commander.”</p><p>“By who?” Shepard shot a look to Joker who held his hands up in innocence.</p><p>“The manager, she says to thank you for your service.”</p><p>“Oh, that’s very kind,” Shepard smiled, “is she here? I’d like to say thank you.”</p><p>“I’ll ask her to come over.”</p><p>“Does that happen often?” Joker asked as their server left to find the manager.</p><p>“Sometimes, but not often.”</p><p>“Commander,” a slightly older Asari walked to the table, greeting them, “my name is Alessa, I’m the manager.”</p><p>“I wanted to thank you for dinner,” Shepard stood, shaking Alessa’s hand, “my date and I appreciate it.”</p><p>“It was my pleasure, truly.”</p><p>“After that chocolate mousse? I’d say the pleasure was all mine.”</p><p>***</p><p>“These shoes are lethal,” Shepard complained as they walked from the restaurant, “we can fly through <em>space</em> and can’t design high heels that don’t hurt?”</p><p>“Stay here, I’ll grab the car and bring it over for you.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Shepard smiled as Joker walked toward his car.</p><p>“Lola?”</p><p>Shepard turned, finding James walking over with Steve under his arm, “Hey James.”</p><p>“<em>Damn</em>,” James gave Shepard a slow once over, “Lola, I didn’t know you were hiding that body in the uniform.”</p><p>Shepard rolled her eyes, “you don’t wear a uniform on a date, Vega, or did you not get the memo?” Shepard waved at James’ outfit, “your man dressed up for you.”</p><p>Steve laughed, “just jeans, hardly dressed up.”</p><p>“Still, it’s nice to see you out together in public instead of catching you both in the Kodiak, and no, James, I’m not going to let you live it down.”</p><p>“Anyway,” James changed the subject, “where’s your date?”</p><p>“Getting the car, my shoes are killing me,” Shepard pointed as it pulled up, “here he is.”</p><p>“What’s up, jarhead,” Joker stepped out of the car, walking over to Shepard.</p><p>“Wait, you and Lola?”</p><p>“You didn’t know we were married?” Shepard took Joker’s hand, pulling him close until Joker wrapped his arm around her waist.</p><p>“You’re married?!”</p><p>“Obviously,” Joker rolled his eyes, “I’ve been with her since the SR1, did you think I ditched the Alliance for Cerberus for just <em>anyone?</em>”</p><p>Joker felt, rather than heard, Shepard gasp. Yeah, that was something that they were going to have to talk about later.</p><p>“Why don’t you have his last name?”</p><p>“Too much paperwork,” Shepard waved a dismissive hand, “right baby?”</p><p>“Right,” Joker agreed.</p><p>“I don’t believe you, I’ve never even seen you kiss.”</p><p>“Just because Joker and I don’t fuck on the clock, unlike some of us here, doesn’t mean that we don’t fuck in general.”</p><p>Steve laughed, “stop picking on them, James. They’re happy and we’ve interrupted their date.”</p><p>“Come on, hun, time to go home,” Joker held open Shepard’s door.</p><p>“Bye boys, call me if you need me.”</p><p>“See you, Lola.”</p><p>Joker got back into the car, carefully pulling away in silence, knowing Shepard would bring it up.</p><p>“So, left the Alliance for Cerberus…for me? Or just saying that to fuck with James?”</p><p>“I wasn’t just saying that,” Joker kept his eyes on the road, cautious to not give too much away under Shepard’s skilled eye.</p><p>“I thought you left because they grounded you?”</p><p>“I grounded me,” Joker took the long way back to Shepard’s apartment, missing their turn, “I couldn’t handle being in a ship knowing the last time I had touched one, you died. First time I flew was when we got the SR2, and I’d only fly when I knew you’d be there.”</p><p>“That was a big risk, what if Cerberus couldn’t bring me back?”</p><p>“Then I wasn’t going to fly,” Joker shrugged, “but they did bring you back.”</p><p>“Yes,” Shepard agreed, watching the buildings as they flew past, “they sure did.”</p><p>“Do you wish they hadn’t?”</p><p>“No, that’s not it,” Shepard shook her head, “it just fucks with my timelines, you know? People ask how old I am and I always stumble because there are two years that passed that I just…<em>missed</em>.”</p><p>“You didn’t miss much, they sucked, and you’re 32 for the record.”</p><p>“I know,” Shepard sat back in her seat, pensive.</p><p>“Nayya?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“If I had to do it all over again, I’d leave the Alliance in a heartbeat.”</p><p>***</p><p>“Home, safe and sound,” Joker opened Shepard’s door, “I’ll send you my tab for the fuel.”</p><p>Shepard laughed, “I’m sure.</p><p>“Let me walk you to the door,” Joker both offered and asked.</p><p>“Of course,” Shepard took Joker’s offered hand, leading them to the elevator.</p><p>“I had fun tonight,” Joker cringed, “that was so typical.”</p><p>“I did too,” Shepard hesitated, “want to come in for a drink?”</p><p>“I’d love too, but I couldn’t drive home if I had another one.”</p><p>“What if you didn’t…”</p><p>“What, drive?”</p><p>“Go home.”</p><p>“Oh,” Joker glanced at Shepard, “do you mean…”</p><p>“That depends, are you going to judge me if I do?”</p><p>“No,” Joker answered immediately, “of course not.”</p><p>“Then yes, I mean come in, have a drink, and let’s see where things go.”</p><p>“Okay,” Joker agreed, suddenly feeling much more nervous as the elevator arrived on Shepard’s floor.</p><p>When was the last time he had been with a woman? Joker thought back, it must have been years, at flight school.</p><p>Oh shit.</p><p>“Alright?” Shepard asked as she unlocked the front door.</p><p>“Nervous,” Joker smiled, “it’s…been a while.”</p><p>“I hear it’s just like flying a ship, you never really forget,” Shepard kicked off her heels with a groan and walked over to the bar, “and you’re the best pilot out there.”</p><p>“With my condition, I haven’t exactly had much practice in flying that particular ship…”</p><p>“No?” Shepard ducked behind the bar, pulling out a bottle of wine and handing it to Joker, “that surprises me.”</p><p>“Why? Women don’t exactly jump when they hear they can break my pelvis if they ride me too hard.”</p><p>“You haven’t been around the right women then,” Shepard offered as she found some glasses.</p><p>“Yeah, and what’s the right kind of woman?” Joker asked as he took a seat on the couch, setting the bottle on the coffee table.</p><p>Shepard smiled, a small seductive smile, as she walked over to Joker with a bright blue biotic field rolling over her, “one that can change gravity, as required.”</p><p>“Oh shit,” Joker considered the implications, “you could also crush me with those same biotics.”</p><p>“If I wanted too,” Shepard sat next to Joker, opening the wine, “you could also throw me out of the airlock, or leave me behind if you wanted too. I trust you, you trust me, it’ll be fine.”</p><p>“You’ll need to be gentle, and we’ll have to go slow.”</p><p>“No problem here, if you’re interested.”</p><p>“So interested,” Joker nodded, taking the offered wine, “<em>so interested</em>.”</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Well - this went over better than I thought. </p><p>It's done now. Hope you all enjoy.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Joker was <em>convinced</em> that there was nothing more beautiful than Shepard as she laughed, wiping her eyes as she settled from one of his best jokes.</p><p>“What?” Shepard smiled at him, “is my makeup half down my face?”</p><p>“No,” Joker decided to go for it, “I just really want to kiss you.”</p><p>“What’s stopping you?”</p><p>“I wanted to make sure…”</p><p>“Jeff,” Shepard rolled her eyes, “shut up and kiss me.”</p><p>He didn’t need to be told twice, closing the distance between them for a gentle, and probably too careful, first kiss. Shepard hummed, and Joker moved to pull back, stopped by a firm hand on the back of his neck.</p><p>Joker tried to pull back again, opening his mouth to give a token protest to Shepard’s grip, even though it wasn’t even close to breaking anything.</p><p>“Shut up, Joker, I’ve barely got you,” Shepard whispered before he even got a word out, “kiss me like you mean it.”</p><p>Joker kissed Shepard again, licking at her bottom lip until she opened for him, tasting wine, chocolate mousse and ozone on her tongue. She was <em>perfect</em>, and Joker almost couldn’t believe each of the small sounds that fell from Shepard’s lips as Joker pinned her against the couch.</p><p>“Hang on,” Shepard shifted back slightly, and Joker pulled back with a start.</p><p>“Too much?”</p><p>“Uncomfortable,” Shepard stood, adjusting her dress back to rights, “come on, flyboy, let's see where that was headed somewhere a bit more comfortable.”</p><p>“Seriously?”</p><p>“If you’re interested, yeah, but I’m not making out on the couch in this dress. Too much fabric, it’s uncomfortable as hell,” Shepard must have noticed the reservation on his face because she followed up with, “that being said, if you would <em>rather</em> make out on the couch, that’s cool too, but I’m changing into something that doesn’t have scratchy sequins on it.”</p><p>Joker stood, taking a breath to settle his nerves, “after you.”</p><p>Shepard led Joker to the stairs, taking his hand and walking up together. Joker grateful that Shepard didn’t comment on how difficult stairs were with his braces on.</p><p>Joker let out a low whistle as he took in the size of the bedroom, “you could have a party in here.”</p><p>“You’re the only person I’m interested in having in this room, Joker,” Shepard turned to him, undoing the button on his jacket and helping him slide it down his arms, tossing it onto the nearby chair.</p><p>“Wait,” Joker stopped Shepard as she reached for his shirt buttons.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Look,” Joker sighed, “I don’t look like those pretty boys that you see down in the cargo bay. James and Kaidan? I can’t compete with that.”</p><p>“Have I said anything tonight that makes you think that you need too?”</p><p>“No, but-“</p><p>“Joker, if I wanted to be with someone like Kaidan or James, I’d be with someone like Kaidan and James,” Shepard gave him a reassuring smile, “I asked <em>you</em> if you were interested in something closer to home back in purgatory because I was interested in <em>you</em>.”</p><p>“Was interested?”</p><p>“Am interested,” Shepard corrected.</p><p>“As long as you’re sure. I have a lot of scars and stuff.”</p><p>“Oh hun, I’ve got you beat on those,” Shepard rolled her eyes, “trust me.”</p><p>“Prove it.”</p><p>“Okay,” Shepard brought Joker’s hand to her back, “zipper is there.”</p><p>Joker didn’t see any hesitancy in Shepard’s eyes as he took the zipper to her dress and slowly pulled it down, “this doesn’t make you nervous?”</p><p>“Should it? I trust you, I care about you, I’m not worried you’re going to scream and run from the room,” Shepard pulled the dress from her arms, letting it fall to her feet before kicking it out of the way, “I can’t change who I am, or what I look like, but I’m not scared of showing you.”</p><p>“Damn,” Joker groaned at the sight of Shepard in a matched set of black lace lingerie, “were you hoping to have a fun time with your blind date?”</p><p>“I put this on when I knew that my date was <em>you</em>. When you called me, I had just done my hair and makeup, I was still in sweats.”</p><p>“You wore these for me?” Joker wanted to reach out, pull Shepard against him.</p><p>“I did,” Shepard took a step closer, reaching again for Joker’s buttons, “you’ve seen mine, can I level the playing field?”</p><p>Joker nodded, not trusting his voice as Shepard slowly undid each button of his shirt.</p><p>“Hm, I thought you’d probably have a hairy chest, I’m glad I was right.”</p><p>“Yeah?” Joker watched as Shepard’s hands moved lower, pulling his shirt from where they were tucked into his pants.</p><p>“Mmhmm,” Shepard ran her hands over his chest, pushing the shirt off, “for the record, I’ve always thought you were sexy as hell.”</p><p>Joker snorted, “you don’t have to lie.”</p><p>“Oh I’m not lying,” Shepard reached for his belt, undoing it and slowly starting to guide him backward towards the bed, “one of the first times we ever spoke you told me you were “anything but average”, and I’ve agreed with you every second that we’ve known each other.”</p><p>Shepard undid his top button and unzipped his fly, letting his pants drop to his knees where they caught on the top of his leg braces.</p><p>“Those are my-“</p><p>“I know, Joker,” Shepard carefully pushed Joker to sit on the bed before dropping to her knees in front of him, “do I need to remind you that we’ve lived together on a ship for years? Your disease isn’t news to me, I know you wear leg braces.”</p><p>“Okay, smartypants, do you know how to take them off?” Joker tried for a joke to ease the discomfort he felt as Shepard carefully pulled his pants over his braces and off.</p><p>“You bet,” Shepard quickly found the latches, undoing the frames and setting them aside.</p><p>“Not that I’m not impressed, but…how?”</p><p>“I looked it up,” Shepard looked up at him from her position between his legs, “before you came and got me.”</p><p>“How do you know what model I wear?”</p><p>“I’m your Commander, it’s my job to know. I also had some extra sets stocked in the cargo bay during our last stop at the Citadel, just in case you broke what you had,” Shepard rubbed the skin where the braces had been resting, “now, if you’re done quizzing me on my interest in you, can we continue?”</p><p>“You’re amazing,” Joker breathed.</p><p>“Why thank you,” Shepard stood, pointing to the pillows, “move up the bed, my knees are terrible since my reconstruction. I’m not staying on the floor.”</p><p>Joker did as Shepard asked, moving to lay against the pillows, trying not to feel uncomfortable in just his boxers as Shepard crawled after him.</p><p>“Okay?”</p><p>“Nervous,” Joker twitched as Shepard pressed a kiss to his stomach as she moved up the bed, “and excited.”</p><p>Shepard smiled as she kissed him, laying beside him to ease some of his nerves, encouraging Joker to roll onto his side to face her.</p><p>“You’re beautiful,” Joker whispered between kisses, “I’ve wanted to do this for <em>so</em> long.”</p><p>“You haven’t even seen me naked yet.”</p><p>“Let’s change that,” Joker suggested, bringing his hand to the clasp of Shepard’s bra and managing to undo it with a flick of his fingers.</p><p>“Pretty smooth,” Shepard laughed, pulling her bra off and tossing it to the floor.</p><p>“God,” Joker moved down the bed to bring his face level with Shepard’s breasts, “you’re like literally perfect.”</p><p>“Glad you’re not a boob guy then,” Shepard chuckled, “cause I don’t have much.”</p><p>She didn’t, not that Joker had expected her too. Given how active Shepard was in her day to day life it wasn’t a surprise to Joker to see more muscle than curve.</p><p>“What you have is beautiful,” Joker brought his hands to cup her breasts, brushing his thumb over her nipples, watching them tighten under his attention, before he took one into his mouth, sucking gently.</p><p>Shepard practically purred, “if I roll on my back, will that be too hard on your legs?”</p><p>Joker shrugged, moving to lavish Shepard’s other nipple with the same attention.</p><p>“<em>Jeff</em>,” Shepard sounded breathless as she encouraged him to come back up the bed, kissing him as soon as he was close enough.</p><p>Oh, this was <em>good</em>, Joker ran his hand down Shepard’s back, holding her close.</p><p>“On your back,” Shepard whispered against his lips, “I want to see what I’m working with.”</p><p>Joker fought the urge to run, forcing himself to lay back as requested, tensing as Shepard straddled him, “careful.”</p><p>“I know,” Shepard kept her weight on her knees, rather than Joker, “I will be.”</p><p>“Seriously, please don’t break me.”</p><p>“I won't,” Shepard promised, “relax, Joker. If I break you, we’ll both be miserable. Trust me when I say I’ve thought of doing this enough times I think I have a good plan in mind.”</p><p>“Okay,” Joker watched as Shepard kissed down his chest, “I’ll trust you.”</p><p>“Good,” Shepard looked up at him when her face was level with his waistband, “mind if I take these off?”</p><p>“No,” Joker swallowed hard, “go ahead.”</p><p>“You’re sure?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Joker lifted his hips, letting Shepard pull the fabric down and off of his legs.</p><p>“Someone’s happy to see me,” Shepard kissed her way up Joker’s thighs, ensuring there was a kiss for each scar that she found on her way up.</p><p>“You usually have that effect on me,” Joker held his breath as Shepard moved closer to his cock, aching and hard against his stomach, “when you went out with Kasumi in that little black dress I think I was hard around you for a week.”</p><p>“Yeah?” Shepard didn’t hesitate as she took Joker’s cock in her hand, pumping him slowly, “must have been difficult when I came to inspect the cockpit.”</p><p>“It was,” Joker gasped, “<em>fuck</em> do you have any idea how sexy you are?”</p><p>“No,” Shepard sat up for a minute, looking at both wrists before shrugging, twirling her hair together in a messy <em>almost </em>ponytail and taking one of Joker’s hands, bringing it to her hair, “hold this for me?”</p><p>“Why-<em>oh” </em>Joker groaned as Shepard took the head of his cock into her mouth, teasing it with her tongue, “<em>fuck</em>.”</p><p>Shepard hummed, the vibration traveling through Joker’s core pulling a <em>very </em>manly, thank you very much, whimper from his lips.</p><p>Joker could have fainted as Shepard started to bob her head, only the overwhelming desire to keep his eyes open and <em>watch</em> as this beautiful red-headed siren pleasured him, keeping him grounded.</p><p>When Shepard brought her hand into the mix, teasing what her mouth couldn’t take, Joker knew he was done for if he didn’t stop her.</p><p>“Wait,” Joker gently pulled Shepard’s head back, “easy, Nayya, damn.”</p><p>“Enjoying yourself?” Shepard’s smile was positively sinful with her lips swollen from sucking his cock. Joker wished he had a camera to document that smile.</p><p>“Hell yeah, but I don’t want the night to end early.”</p><p>“What positions work for you?” Shepard asked as she got off the bed, pulling her underwear down and tossing it toward her bra on the floor.</p><p>“I, uh, don’t have much experience to go from?” Joker tried for casual, “I just need to avoid impact on my legs.”</p><p>“Can I go on top?”</p><p>“If you’re careful.”</p><p>“I will be,” Shepard easily climbed over him again, “tell me when you start feeling uncomfortable <em>before </em>it hurts.”</p><p>“Okay?”</p><p>Shepard adjusted her weight, gradually adding more onto Joker’s lap until he tensed.</p><p>“Does that hurt, or are you getting nervous?”</p><p>“Nervous.”</p><p>“Okay,” Shepard’s eyes lit up a bright blue, and she moved a fraction of an inch higher, “better here?”</p><p>“Yeah, what are you doing?”</p><p>“Making a seat, sort of,” Shepard concentrated, and Joker watched a bright blue barrier form over him.</p><p>Reaching to touch it, Joker found he could move through it easily, “how does this work?”</p><p>“My biotics bounce off of each other, which means as I rock my hips when I hit this barrier I should just bounce back up, but we’ll take it slow to make sure,” Shepard reached between them, “want to try?”</p><p>“Hell yeah,” Joker gasped as Shepard slowly teased her lips open with the head of his cock, “you’re so wet.”</p><p>“I told you I thought you were sexy,” Shepard rolled her eyes, “believe me now?”</p><p>“Guess so.”</p><p>Joker moaned as Shepard slowed lowered herself onto him, she was so <em>warm</em> and tight, and Joker knew he was fighting a losing battle to outlast Shepard.</p><p>“You feel good,” Shepard’s eyes were closed as she rocked slowly gradually making her way down to the barrier she had made, where, true to her word, she stopped as if she was sitting on a chair.</p><p>“Wow,” Joker ran his hands over Shepard’s thighs, “it worked.”</p><p>“I’ve been known to have a few good ideas,” Shepard smiled, “now, flyboy, have you ever had a girl really ride you without you being worried about breaking something?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Well then you’re in for a treat,” Shepard started to move, rolling her hips slowly at first, but quickly moving fast enough that the bed was creaking under the force.</p><p>Joker was in <em>heaven</em>, holding Shepard’s hips like they were his lifeline back to earth.</p><p>“You’re so beautiful,” Joker moaned as Shepard leaned forward to kiss him, “you feel amazing.”</p><p><em>Too amazing</em>, Joker’s mind supplied, <em>ladies first.</em></p><p>“Hang on,” Joker squeezed Shepard’s hips for a minute, stopping her movements, taking a deep breath.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Ladies first,” Joker waited until the urge to cum had eased, “okay.”</p><p>“What a gentleman,” Shepard started to move again, and Joker bit the inside of his lip at the sight of her as she brought her hands up to cup her own breasts.</p><p>“I’m trying to be, you’re making it hard.”</p><p>“Oh I can tell how hard I’m making it,” Shepard took Joker’s hand from her thigh, pressing it against her lower stomach so his thumb brushed over her clit with each rock of Shepard’s hips.</p><p>Joker held on for as long as he could, flushing with embarrassment as he gritted out, “hang on.”</p><p>Shepard didn’t comment, just stopped and took a moment to brush her hair from her face.</p><p>“Damn you feel <em>so good</em>.”</p><p>Shepard smiled, “yeah?”</p><p>“Fuck yeah,” Joker gave a nod and Shepard started to rock her hips again.</p><p>“More pressure,” Shepard changed her angle, leaning forward so her hair swept over Joker’s chest.</p><p>Joker pushed down with his thumb, making little circles as Shepard moved, trying not to smile like an idiot at the broken moan that fell from her lips.</p><p>“Just like that,” Shepard encouraged, moving faster, “fuck I’m <em>so close</em>.”</p><p>“Me too,” Joker knew he was past the point of stopping Shepard again, praying that he could outlast her.</p><p>“<em>Fuck</em>,” Shepard’s movements started to lose their rhythm, and Joker could feel her starting to tense around him, her biotics flickering.</p><p>Joker moaned, loud and unrestrained as she started to clench around him, “come on Nayya.”</p><p>Shepard shouted Joker’s name as she came, pulling Joker over the edge with her, gripping her hips hard enough he almost worried he would break his fingers.</p><p>“<em>Fuck</em>,” Shepard’s biotics flickered out as she slowed, and Joker winced in preparation for Shepard to fall on him.</p><p>She didn’t.</p><p>Opening his eyes he looked up to find Shepard looking down on him with a grin on her face, “did you think I’d fall on you?”</p><p>“Maybe…”</p><p>“What, do you think I’m an amateur?” Shepard laughed, carefully rolling off of him and onto her back beside him.</p><p>“I’ve broken my pelvis like three times during sex. In fact, I think this was the only time I <em>didn’t</em>.”</p><p>“Point one for Nayya.”</p><p>“Was that…okay?”</p><p>“Oh yeah,” Shepard reached for Joker’s hand, giving it an affectionate squeeze.</p><p>“You’re not just saying that?”</p><p>“Nope,” Shepard rolled to face him, “you’re a damn good ride, Joker. Now, I’m going to go get cleaned up, and then we’re going to sleep for a bit, and then do that again. Okay?”</p><p>“Hell yeah,” Joker agreed, “sounds great.”</p><p>“Good. Get your sexy ass into bed and I’ll be right back.”</p><p>***</p><p>Joker groaned as the sound of an incoming video call woke him up, “five more minutes.”</p><p>“It’s James,” Shepard spoke from where she was resting against his chest, “I should answer it, do you want to grab a shirt?”</p><p>“Nah, I don’t care,” Joker wrapped his arm over Shepard’s shoulder. It was hard to feel unattractive with a beautiful woman wrapped around you.</p><p>“Hey, James,” Shepard greeted, “what’s up?”</p><p>“Are you and Joker seriously married, or were you just fucking with me?”</p><p>Shepard rolled her eyes, changing the angle of her omni-tool to show her position on Joker’s chest, “what do you think, baby, are we married or not?”</p><p>“Jarhead, my wife kept me up all night, why are you calling at like,” Joker checked the time in the corner of the screen, “0900?”</p><p>“Oh,” James blushed, “shit, I thought you were just fucking with me.”</p><p>“I think you were hoping to catch my wife naked, so congratulations, you were successful.”</p><p>Shepard could hear Steve laughing hysterically in the background, “was that all you needed? I was about to spend some <em>quality</em> time with my husband.”</p><p>“Yeah, I’m good. Still on for the game later?”</p><p>“You bet,” Shepard shifted to kiss Joker’s cheek and Joker knew that he blanket was only inches from showing the side of Shepard’s breast.</p><p>“Great, see you later, bye.” James cut off the call in a rush.</p><p>“You’re such a bitch,” Joker laughed, “the entire crew is going to think we’re married by the time we’re back on the ship.”</p><p>“No one will believe him. He’s going to think he’s going crazy. Even better when we <em>only</em> act married while he’s around for a couple weeks.”</p><p>Joker smiled, “you’re crazy. No wonder I love you.”</p><p><em>Well shit, no taking that back</em>, Joker tensed.</p><p>“Takes one to know one,” Shepard replied easily, “and I love you, too.”</p>
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